Have you ever trusted someone that took what was shameful even for you and they spread it around? Have you had someone that betrayed your confidence?
Gossip is something that almost everyone knows about. It is something that people almost seem addicted to. People never look at their lives and realize that they are addicted to gossip but they are fast to tell something that has nothing to do with them or to share things that should have been kept to themselves.
People are often gossiping, and they will do whatever they can to tell someone what is going on. They will want to call their sister, or their boyfriend and they will take pleasure in talking about your marriage problems.
If you look at how you talk about other people, you might realize that even you have a gossip problem. Maybe you want to just share the news and its innocent or maybe you feel that you are bonding with others by entertaining them with a story. Anyone who has been a gossiper and tried to stop finds that this is not something easy to stop doing.
As you get mature in your life, you will see that you need to be in control of your gossip, and you need to stop talking about other people. People often wonder what they would even talk about if they didn’t gossip. The truth is that our language changes over time and when we try to be sociable, we realize that talking about others is one thing that most of the conversation has to offer.
People can sometimes not help to gossip but what makes it a problem is how and why we do it. Some gossip is to give people excitement while others are just junk and should never be said. This can cause problems between people, hurt someone’s reputation and cause friendships to end.
How do you know when you are gossiping good or gossiping things that are harmful? How can you engage in gossip that is harmless and not cross the line?
Good Gossip
Gossip has three different functions such as exchanging information, for social monitoring and to give information to people about human drama.
When you gossip, it causes there to be people that are listening and talking about something. There are people that will come into the group to hear gossip, but they are not ones that share it.
People love stories and they love to talk about others. They love to know what someone is doing and why. They often question what people are talking about and why they are even doing the things they do.
Good Gossip Versus Bad Gossip
Sometimes people step over the line and they talk about things that should never be mentioned. You find that you are sharing things that friends have told you and you know that you should never even talk about it, but you do.
When you are someone that is addicted to gossip, it can cause you to cross the line. Have you ever gossiped about someone and felt all of your energy leave? Or you felt depressed after you spend time with a friend because of all the information that they share with you?
We often miss the opportunity to connect with others because we spend so much time talking bad about them that we miss the good things about them. We use sarcasm and other things against someone we are talking about.
When you use bad gossip, you will feel it. If you use good gossip, it leaves you feeling friendly afterward but when it is bad, it leaves a bad feeling. Good gossip is fun and informative and helps you to catch up with people and their lives. It doesn’t leave you feeling angry or jealous.
When someone talks about someone that you love and respect, it can end up causing you to change your feelings about them. When someone shares details about their life and you realize that you are in gossip, you have to stop the conversation and try to turn it around. If you try to defend the person, it will cause there to be more bad-mouthing and more than likely about you, so if you can walk away without commenting on the conversation, you can see that you can get out of gossip and save yourself.
Negative gossip will cause you to question what someone is doing, even if you trust them.
Avoiding Gossip
You have to learn to avoid gossip. When rumors spread, it can be information that you would like to know. It might be something that you even crave. The truth though is that when you gossip about someone, it can cause you to have an image about someone that might not be true. Find out why this information is even being said.
When you are in situations where you know the other person, you have to stop spreading information and refuse to be part of what others believe to be true. Do not let rumors change the opinions that you have about others before you even know if something is real or not.
Spreading negative information that is true will cause you to deal with ethical issues. You would never want to repeat something that is true or false and you need to make sure that you are not falling into the gossip situation. This could cause deep wounds for people if this information got spread.
Harmful speech is something that you need to stay away from because it hurts others. It is something that challenges the character of others and can change the way that people see someone.
This kind of gossip is hurtful and when you use it, it affects the life of other people and makes people think negatively of them.
Gossip that is negative is no longer about you, but you use it to hurt others. It will cause you are feeling bad and you will see that you are doing damage by being involved in it. When you have a bad taste or a negative feeling, this is a sign that you need to listen to your conscious mind and let things go without being involved in it.
Stop Gossiping Now
Maybe you are addicted to gossip, and you want to change this bad habit. Look at your life and see if you are honest and why you would even want to gossip. If you gossip because it brings you pleasure, this is a sign that you need to stop.
We all make mistakes, and we all fail and when you realize that you have failures in your own life, it is harder to talk about someone else.
Talking about other people can be hurtful and it can show pain in your own life. Maybe you will realize that you have insecurities and that you need to keep your life in order.
It is not easy to admit that you are addicted to gossip but you might need to take time to look inside of yourself. Gossip can be a part of jealousy and it can be exciting to talk about someone so that you can feel better about yourself.
Negative gossip will leave you feeling negative about yourself. We all are insecure, and we all have been against someone. We sometimes feel that someone is successful, and we need to put them down because of it but when you do this, you are hurting yourself in the long run.
One reason human gossip is that we find that we have a world in our own lives that have mistaken. We have reasons and desires for wanting to gossip but when it leaves you feeling sour, you need to look at it and see why your words are hurtful.
If you are angry and mad or upset with someone, this is one way that you can get over your pain, by gossiping. But, when you do that, it only comes back to make you look bad and it can end in heartbreak and confusion.
You need to have friends that you can talk positively with and this will stop your emotional turmoil that gossip will give you.
There is a difference between sharing information and gossiping. When you cross that line, you will see that you often exaggerate and you re cruel. You give information that makes you dump onto someone and it makes you see that you are not faithful to people around you.
You sometimes give dishonest information when you bring up gossip and you share things that you have heard. This causes someone’s problems to become public and when you are angry, this does not validate that.
Do not act like a middle schooler and learn to be mature. Do not gossip to cause fights and to hurt someone’s reputation. This can cause marriages to fail and cause people to lose their job.
Everyone gossips and we all listen to gossip but if you are willing to be more mindful of what you are letting in, you will see that you can stop doing this.
You will not be able to stop talking to everyone, but you can learn to make your conversations positive and be disciplined in what you listen to. You can know if you are going to badmouth someone or if you are going to talk positively about them.
Spreading rumors can cause you to lose friends and it will never make you feel better about who you are. If you have to, just be silent. Do not get involved in juicy gossip and refuse to put your life and your reputation on the line. Do not justify your gossiping.
How to Stop Gossiping
Here are some ways you can stop gossiping:
Get a Buddy
Find someone that you can gossip with that will never spread what you say. This is a way that you can talk to each other and the conversation will stay between you two.
Catch What You Are Saying
Be mindful of what you are saying and when you start saying something, stop yourself.
Notice How it Makes You Feel
If you gossip, notice how it makes you feel. After you gossip, does it leave you feeling bad? If so, you should have never said it. If it leaves you feeling good, this is okay, and you can continue this kind of good gossip.
Say No
When someone is gossiping just walk away. Refuse to talk about someone and just say no. If they want to talk about it, find someone else to talk with.
Judging
Do not judge someone just because you hear a rumor. Find out for yourself who that person is and what they stand for.
Gossip Fasting
Try to not gossip at all. If you hear someone gossiping, learn to walk away. You will not feel bad if you are not involved in the gossiping.
Do you gossip because you are board? If so, find something to do and find someone that you can talk to that wants to talk about good things and not bad things.
What you feel inside is something that you have to work on. If someone wants to gossip, make sure it is good gossip or stop it in its track.
