Being Too Nice in a Relationship
Relationship Coaching

Being Too Nice in a Relationship

When you work in places that make you show your feeling and make you feel that you have to be nice, you might see that sometimes when you are too nice that your relationship can be ruined.  Sometimes, you will be around people that will make you feel that being too nice is not something to be upset about but being too nice really can ruin your relationships. 


Being in unhealthy relationships can be centered around abuse and negativity and when you talk to couples that make it a long time in strong relationships, you will see that some of the problems that they did have in their relationships was being too nice. 


Sometimes the problems that you have stem from a fear of being a disappointment or upsetting someone that you love.  When you are in unhealthy relationships, it can make you feel sad or angry. 


You should never be mean or uncaring, but you have to be real and sometimes you might need to talk to someone professionally. 


Checking Too Much 


When you check on your partner too much this can be a problem.  If you have checked on them a thousand times today, that is too much.  You have to be motivated for each other but when you are constantly checking on them, it can make them feel that you don’t trust them.  Maybe you think they are too immature or unreliable.  Don’t do this too much or you will feel that your partner is like a child. 


Overly Positive 


When people are positive all the time, you envy them, and you think that they must have a very happy life.  The truth is, no one is always that positive and when you find that someone seems that way, you might think they are fake.  Chances are, they are denying what is really going on in their life. 


When one partner is going through something bad, we feel that we need to control each other’s responses so that they can approve you and stop them from feeling angry or hurt or upset with us.  Sometimes, it is best to let someone feel bad and then just be there for them.  Be understanding and connect at an intimate level with them.   


Be honest in your emotions.  All honesty is important. 


Knowing What’s Best 


When you are with someone, you only want what is best for them. You want them to make decisions that are best for them, but you cannot force them to make good decisions. You can’t force someone to eat healthy, to work out, to wear long sleeves in the cold or other aspects of their life, even if you want them to be better.   


Always try to be equal in your partnerships with each other.  Do not try to control them.  Give them space. 


People Pleasing 


Being a people pleaser is doing more than you should do.  Do not make your expectations so high that it brings resentment and anger. We need to be with someone that approves us in the good and bad times and someone that you can have an equal partnership within both responsibility and power. 




When you are spending a lot of time with someone you will have disagreements on things.  This is the facts of life and even if you don’t want to disagree with them, you are not going to be with a partner that is always right.  This will create a burden on you and them and will cause them not to be able to live up to your expectations or desires. 


Disagreements can be okay, and they don’t have to be scary or messy.  These situations can cause you to have better communication skills and to form healthier relationships. 


Problem Solving 


Solving problems is something that people just want to do.  When you love someone, you want to solve all of their problems.  When you are actually doing this though, you are not allowing them to learn to take care of themselves. 


You have to learn to let people solve their problems.  You have to let people have a bad day and even if this is hard, it is unhealthy to always try to solve all of their problems. 




Being overprotective is not health.  This is based on being kind, but it can be unhealthy.  This can be a power of control and when an abusive partner comes and wants to be in control to keep their partner under their thumb, it is not keeping them safe but controlling them. 


If you are afraid of losing them and never let them do anything, this is not a good situation. 




Just because you love someone does not mean that you have to always be overly nice to them.  It doesn’t mean you can control them and if the relationship is not able to be two sided then chances are that you are in an unhealthy relationship. 

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